I wasn’t feeling very motivated to post on the blog the last couple of weeks, as I was unusually tired. In fact, I started to wonder if the ketogenic diet was failing me, because I was just so overwhelmed and lethargic, and I couldn’t figure out why that was (I’m usually very energetic). Also, I was eating more than enough, but no matter how much I ate, I still felt hungry.
One day last week, I got a sudden burst of energy and deep desire to deep clean EVERYTHING. I dove into our storage room, and worked all day long removing old clothes we didn’t fit into anymore, and organizing everything nicely. Then, I deep cleaned our walk in closet, and took all of the clothes off the hangers, got rid of the ones we didn’t need. James mentioned in passing that it reminded him of when I was nesting, but I didn’t give it any thought.
The next day, though, I felt extremely emotional- sort of like I was bi-polar…I was elated one minute, then crying the next. It was very unlike my usual attitude…I felt depressed and anxious, and couldn’t seem to shake it. I went back to my normal mood when I awoke the next morning, but felt guilty for the way I had snapped at my children while I had felt that way. I apologized to them and asked forgiveness. (They accepted my apology, as children so sweetly always do)!
I was so bothered by the way I had felt and behaved the day before, that I decided to take a pregnancy test, just in case. In my heart, I didn’t really believe it could be that. I am just tired from having cleaned out those rooms, I reasoned.
I took the pregnancy test, and looked at it for a minute. The control line was there, but not the test line- so it appeared to be negative. I decided pregnancy must not be the reason, after all, and laid the test down. 10 minutes later, though, I glanced at the test again. I was flabbergasted when I saw that there was a faint line that had showed up in the test column! I asked Bonnie if she saw one there, because I wasn’t sure if my eyes were deceiving me. She looked at it, and we both shared excited smiles!
I took another test, and we looked together. It was also showing two lines, even though the second was faint. I’ve done enough pregnancy tests in my lifetime to know that doesn’t typically happen unless you’re pregnant…it’s near impossible to get a false positive! Bonnie begged me not to tell anyone else, so together we decided to plan out a way to tell James and the children who didn’t know yet. Bonnie almost let the cat out of the bag a few times, by mentioning to her brothers that she knew something they didn’t. haha
I ended up simply buying a little onesie and writing “#7” on it with a marker. I also included the pregnancy test, and put both in a gift bag. I told him that I had a surprise for him when he got home. He was intrigued and wanted me to tell him what it was, but I told him I couldn’t tell him till he got home! 🙂
Here is a video of how that went – Bonnie shot the video:
James is so funny. 🙂
So now I have a good answer for why I had been feeling and acting the way I was! Every pregnancy, it has been something different that clues me in (last time, it was an intense dislike of coffee, my favorite beverage)! 🙂
Also, I hope and pray this pregnancy goes well. I’m just going to come out and say it: I know that there are no guarantees in life, and since I have so many friends who have had miscarriages- and I have a history of miscarriage- I admit that I do have some worries in the back of my head about losing my baby. When those fears come up, I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control, and I can trust that His will is perfect, and that all things will work together for the good. No matter what the outcome, I know it will bring glory to God.
I have to admit, it’s not only exciting, but also a bit daunting, thinking of how hard it might be to add another member to our family (7 children is a lot of little people!)- we will probably have to get a new vehicle, we will have another mouth to feed, more diapers to buy and change, of course! It can be overwhelming some days taking care of all of the needs of so many children.
We have with each new addition a set of new worries…but we also are full of excitement and anticipation for the future, because we know what a blessing each and every child we have means to us! Plus, I know that God will provide…He always has, and always will provide for our daily needs.
Every time I have given birth to a new child, I have been amazed to find that my heart really has room for each and every child, that they are all unique and wonderful personalities that all in their own ways are bringing me closer to Christ, and making the world a better place just by being here. I can’t imagine life without any of the children God has given me so far. I am so blessed.
You know that saying, “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle?”
It’s not true! God does give us things that are too big for us sometimes- and the reason is so that we will be able to recognize our weakness, and then as a result recognize our need to rely on His strength. There is so much rest in that. I am not capable of being the mother I need to be on my own, but through Christ I can do all things! I don’t have to control everything. I have found such peace on the days that I stop trying to do it all on my own, and start trusting God to do it through me. I am still learning and figuring out day by day that His strength is made perfect through weakness, and His grace is sufficient for me.
I look forward to meeting this little one, baby #7, and so thankful for all of God’s blessings to us!